Winter-Flavored Olympics

Unless you are living under a rock, you know that the Winter Olympics are on. Now, I particularly enjoy events sich as alpine skiing, skeleton, speed skating (short track), ski jumping, hockey, and even curling. There are, however, a few events that should not be allowed in the Olympics...or at least televised. Here is a list I put together of events, not in any order, that should not be allowed to be on TV.

1. Cross Country Skiing: Probably one of the most boring things I have ever watched in my life. They should replace CCS (which is my cool abreviation for cross country skiing) with a watch-paint-dry event. I'll admit, you gotta be a beast to be good at that godforsaken event, but please, don't televise it.

2. Figure Skating: Not as boring as the CCS, but still pretty close to one of the most boring and drawn out events in the games. Not to mention the judging is rediculous.

3. Ice Dancing: I didn't remember how rediculous ice dancing was until last night. Nothing else worthwhile was on, so I decided to check out ice dancing. It took me about 15 minutes to realize that all the "teams" skate to the exact same song and do the exact same dance almost exactly the same the whole time. Let's just say you will be looking around for a knife to stab yourself with after a little while. In case you were wondering, the program I turned on instead of watching ice dancing was Kunoichi: Lady Ninja. Don't bother watching this movie unless you are really high or extremely innebriated. It is about a bunch of tiny ninja girls, called Hori women (try to say that with a straight face), that are trying to get revenge on some transvestite dude. The plot is very strange and confusing...plus it is in Japanese. Anyways, these Hori women discover they have "special powers" after much duress. These "special powers" consist of one girl shooting lightning out of her nipples and another girl who can absorb stuff in her...well I will let you figure that one out for yourself. I was expecting to see a traditional sort of hack'em up Japanese flick. Needless to say, I was utterly bewildered.

Anyways, Back to the Olympics. There is one event that gets its own little category: the two man luge. Now, give me one guess as to what is wrong with two guys spooning on a sled obviously made for one.
What is more competative then two guys on one sled in such an orientation? I would think two guys on seperate sleds going down the same track would be. How cool would that be? Two sleds going 80+ mph down an ice tube. A whole new strategy would be involed, consisting of passing and blocking. Shoot, we could introduce some racing terminolgy like "trading paint". I don't even have to mention the most exciting part of racing: crashes. Please, save yourself the humilation of the two man luge (if not for you, then for us).